Dating and Your Gun
This article is all about first dates and what things to think about, how you can prepare and making the decision to tell or not to tell. I know I am no spring chicken but before I married my husband Bryan, I was single for almost 10 years and had to navigate dating as an armed woman. I also have raised two daughters and talk to many women, young and old about this issue.
You are a proud law abiding citizen and have been concealed carrying for a while now. You have adapted to the lifestyle change that being a concealed carrying woman requires. Things such as wardrobe changes, errand mapping, being situationally aware and commitment to giving up your precious time for practicing.
But what about the big events that come up in life? Things like dating, having children, or getting a new job? These are topics not discussed but are significant things that happen in our lives so, how do you balance with concealed carry?
So, you have found someone that you would like to explore the possibilities with and have decided to go on a date. Here are a few things to think about beforehand.
Where will you go on your date?
Are you going out to dinner, a walk in the park, a movie, out for a cup of coffee? When dating as a concealed carrier it’s difficult to be spontaneous, as your date at this point, does not know you conceal carry. Ensuring that the destination is “gun friendly” is probably not the first thing on their mind.
- The best solution – You decide! You know where you can legally conceal carry. Giving suggestions of where you would like to go is the easiest way to ensure you will be able to carry.
- Stay Public – It is safest to stick to places that are public. You do not know this person very well yet so you will want to be around other people and in a public setting.
- Get there yourself. Whether that means you drive, walk, take a subway or grab an Uber, do not allow them to pick you up. This does a few things. One, you always have an out and the ability to leave if they are not quite your type or anything about your interaction causes you concern. It also prevents this person from knowing where you live.
- Communicate with a trusted friend or family member what your plans are and where you will be. It is better to prepare for the worst than not be prepared enough.
You may be thinking all these things are a bit “over the top” but sadly today, we must always be thinking and living with a defensive mindset. There are so many ways to meet people without being in person like dating sites, social media, and even apps on your phone. There are news stories all the time about people using these types of apps for harm, so be careful. It’s important to note that some give your location possibly without you knowing, you may want to check the settings of such tools.
What will you wear for your date?
You want to look your best. You want to pick out that cute summer dress, your favorite jeans that fit you just right with that sexy flowy top. There is no need to give up style with concealed carry and dating, there are holsters for that! Check out our Concealed Carry Summer Fashion article for some great tips.
We have come a long way from bulky, plastic holsters designed for men. There are now dozens of holster options just for women that will allow you to carry discreetly and safely. Popular options such as belly bands, thigh holsters and in the waistband holsters can help you achieve your perfect outfit!
When picking out your outfit, consider the below tips
- Clothing with patterns can help to distract the eye so any printing (the outline of your gun showing in your clothing) that may occur is easily camouflaged.
- Stretchy materials allow for free movement and for some extra give to accommodate your holstered gun. Depending on the holster, this also can help to provide better holster retention.
- Avoid very tight clothing as this can make it hard to hide a firearm.
- Add a scarf, hat or prominent jewelry around your neck or head. These draw the eye upward and away from where you are carrying.
- Dress comfortably. The last thing you want to be doing is adjusting your wardrobe every 5 minutes on a new date. Wear something you can be confident in and not have to fuss with! Besides, constantly adjusting or checking your concealed firearm only draws attention and creates unnecessary curiosity.
If your outfit simply won’t allow you to carry on your body, a concealed carry purse, although not as safe, is better than not having your gun with you at all. Use a purse that is meant for concealed carry. There are now hundreds of beautiful and stylish options in all sizes. Designed for safety and ease of access, concealed carry purses have dedicated gun compartments. They have holsters that will keep your gun securely in the same place every time for quick drawing. They also come equipped with slash resistant straps to help avoid theft.
Do You Show Your Cards?
This is where it can get complicated. Do you tell your date you are a concealed carrier and that you will be or are carrying on your date?
I can’t answer this for you, it truly is up to you. My suggestion and my advice would be to wait a little bit. The decision to conceal carry is a big decision you had to make and it is not something that should be disclosed freely. You want to be able to get to know this person well enough before disclosing this very important self-defense precaution. Don’t you want to make sure this person will become an integral part of your life and someone you can trust first? If the relationship turns into something more serious then yes, you need to tell them.
We have so much to consider when dating. Most importantly we need to always make ourselves and our safety our top priority.
I would love to know what you think about the above and perhaps some tips you would give to other women. What do you think about on your first date?
Need more tips on the best clothing for concealed carry? Read the article Concealed Carry Summer Fashion
10 thoughts on “Dating and Your Gun”
Great article! My boyfriend CCW here in Wisconsin for years. One of the first things he did when we started dating was tell me about his gun and where he carries it. And I never a issue with it. He was the one who encouraged me to get mine as well. Even though I had been thinking about it for some time any ways.
Great article. I am currently not dating but this information is very good and I will remember it if I decide to date someone. Most people who know me know I am a Sheriff Reserve in my county so I do carry a firearm. If someone doesn’t like that, then they don’t have to be with me. I will still protect them on and off duty. Keep up the great work for us well-armed women!
I am not a lady and I am not single, so this is a general comment about life. This is 2019, we are out and proud. Most everyone who knows me knows I like guns. Most know I carry. It is not a secret and I will not treat it as such or be closeted.
This comes from being a gun nut before and during the 1994 AWB. That was pre internet. We were afraid to talk about guns at work, or school, or church. or in public. We wouldn’t discuss guns with anyone we didn’t already know was into guns. All we had for information was the mainstream media, which was the big 3 TV networks, and the major newspapers. CNN was still new. So we believed the lies and false information they fed us. We all thought we were alone.
The rise of internet changed all of that. We now know how many we are and how much support we have in other pro gun people. We know we are not alone.
I will never again be quiet about guns or afraid to talk about them. I would advise you ladies to be out and proud, upfront and bold about your gun ownership, your love of freedom and self empowerment, and your choice to not be a victim. Any guy worth having should not merely be accepting of that, he should be excited about it.
I completely understand what your saying, however, I’m my opinion as a women who carries….we still have to be cautious.
Men don’t always understand women like us. There are also certain people who would like to take away our ability to carry.
If we have a man who believes in us and our ability to carry, then it’s safer in my opinion to be more open. As a single woman, there are so many ways you have to be more cautious even in 2020.
I appreciate your empowering words though! Definitely do be ashamed, but we do have to use wisdom.
Excellant article. I read and share all on my social media pages. I have been a vocal advocate that Women should “carry” even before I bought my 1st gun in 84.
I had a 1st. dinner date with a Lady who was being actively Stalked by an ex – con.
I was wearing a .44 spcl. in a shoulder holster covered by a loose fit sport coat.
I did not tell her until after.
She was terrified of guns and i did not know ( at that time ), the proper direction to go with getting her proper training or education.
The stalker eventually got to her.
LADIES !!!!!! Every one of you MUST OWN and Carry a gun and know how to use that gun with DEADLY Results.
Judged by 12 or carried by 6. YOU Decide.
You probably should know how he feels about guns before the goodnight kissing and hugging starts. Unless you are carrying in a purse, he is going to feel the gun under your clothes. Or it goes farther and you are taking your clothes off. Where do you put your gun during sex if he isn’t someone you already know and trust. Just something to think about. I second the idea of not letting him know where you live. It’s not paranoid. I had a stalker ex boyfriend before I even owned a gun. He was pro gun and went to the range on dates, but he turned out to be mentally unstable and abusive.
I only date guys that are accepting and conceal also. So it makes for easy and interesting conversations.
When I was single, I always found ways to have conversations with prospective dates about their feelings around firearms. Did they hunt? Were they ever in the military? I determined back then that if he was not accepting of them, then he wasn’t for me. Aside from protecting myself, I enjoy the shooting sports and I also hunt. Common interests make for better relationships.
I treat whether I tell, even after the second or third date, as a need to know. Strongly suggest the lady not be the one to bring up the subject of fire arms or your right to process and carry. But since I tend to not date strangers, but seek to get acquainted with the man before we actually date, the topic has come up.
One of the fun dates I’ve had was supposed to be dinner and a movie. But because of the way the conversation turned, at his lead, the movie was replaced with a trip to the range!
These informative and how-to articles are great for us armed women to become well armed women! Keep it up. WE LOVE IT!